Saturday, April 10, 2004

I've become aware that I need to get a lot of things sorted out with myself, like what I believe in and what I stand for. Once I figure that out, I need to make sure that I dont stray from it. I really need a strong belief system.

I'm a little confused when it comes to God.My parents certainly believe in God but they arent very religious. They visit the temple once a week, but thats about it. Festivals like Deepavai and Pongal are celebrated as usual. I'm not so sure about my stand on God. I cannot take belief in God for granted. I need some proof of his existence. At the same time , I do not want to reject God either. So I'm sort of stuck in between. I sometimes ask myself whether we will find God with science or find him(or her!) with spirituality. Will science and spirituality eventually merge? Will there come a time when scientists the world over say " Damn it! We cant progress any further! We've reached the boundary! "

I wish I understood the significance of a lot of rituals we go through. This thread I wear around my torso, the poonal, why is it so revered? Sometimes I take it off and it keep it in my cupboard because I find it irritating. Then I feel a little guilty and I wear it again. I wish someone would tell me in a logical, rational way why we go through all these rituals.

My classmates believe rather firmly in God. The other day after a group study session, the 8 of us went to Madhya Kailash, a temple nearby. I did almost everything they did, alternately envying them for their profound belief and I'm ashamed to say this, but sometimes sneering at them for their unquestioning attitude towards God.

I do know that the people who succeed are those with very strong belief systems. I really need to evaluate mine.

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