Wednesday, September 08, 2004

For the past 16 years, certain aspects of my life had remained constant. My mother worked as a teacher in my school and my dad was a physics professor in Pondicherry University. He'd come home on friday nights between 8:30 and 9:00 PM , spend the weekend with us and then leave on monday morning. So for all these years, I've been used to seeing my dad only on the weekends. In fact, when he did spend his vacations at home, it felt wierd to me because I was so used to seeing him only for short periods of time.

Its hard to believe my father wont be ringing the doorbell on friday nights with his traditional "Ta da tut tut, tut tut!" knock. Its not sunk into any of us yet. We keep thinking he's in Pondicherry and that he'll be back this weekend. I keep telling myself it wont happen anymore but its not sinking in at all.

Right now the house is full of relatives, so there are always people to talk to and things arent that bad. But what happens when everyone leaves? They all have their own busy lives to attend to. The house will fall silent soon and how will my mother and grandmother cope? I have my own work to attend to, my sister has her Phd to attend to. My mom will go back to school but how will she spend her weekends and vacations? I dont have any answers and its scary. How will my grandmother cope?She's a strong lady though and she lost her husband around the same time my mother lost my father. Maybe she can help my mom but what will she do alone all day?

I keep myself calm during the day knowing I cant afford to get upset in front of my mom, but my mind wont keep quiet at night. I dont really understand death.

I know that eventually my mother and my grandmother will learn to cope. Life will go back to normal....but its an uneasy few months ahead.

My cousin Prashant who works in the Taj is having a real tough time with his job.His working hours are crazy and he's afraid he's going to be fired. In fact his almost sure he's going to be asked to leave tommorow. I didnt know what to tell him. I just listened and tried to offer a few suggestions but it looks bleak. God its a bad time!

Just cant wait to go back to work and get away from it all.

4 comments:

Anand said...

Some people might call it escapist, but I guess that it is at these times that belief works. I am in no position to advise, but I know you will pull through fine. Take care man. Take care of ma'am.

Anonymous said...

Hi,

I am an avid reader of your blog, I am very sorry about your father passing away. I have lost both my parents very recently. Nothing people say and do will help heal a death of a parent. But I do believe that parents forever reside in their children's heart and mind. No matter where your father is, he will still look over you and be there for you. You can go out there and find him and he will be right there. For you and for your family.

It is futile to say sorry! May God give you and your family the strength to move on in life.

- Me

Chakra Sampath said...

Dinesh, sorry to hear the news. Am sure you'll get the strength to pull through! Take care.

- Chakra.

Anonymous said...

Hi DD,

I have been reading your blog for the past few days - got the link from a friend who said "Read it - nice blog". Yes, it is a nice blog in that I got hooked. I have been coming back to check the progress of your dad, and I am really really sorry to learn that he is no more. It must indeed be very trying times for you, but having read the way you express yourself, I am sure you are mature and will cope with the tragedy. After all, you are the MAN of the household now!

It may be difficult to believe now, but Time is the BEST healer. Take care and you are in my prayers.