For the past 16 years, certain aspects of my life had remained constant. My mother worked as a teacher in my school and my dad was a physics professor in Pondicherry University. He'd come home on friday nights between 8:30 and 9:00 PM , spend the weekend with us and then leave on monday morning. So for all these years, I've been used to seeing my dad only on the weekends. In fact, when he did spend his vacations at home, it felt wierd to me because I was so used to seeing him only for short periods of time.

Its hard to believe my father wont be ringing the doorbell on friday nights with his traditional "Ta da tut tut, tut tut!" knock. Its not sunk into any of us yet. We keep thinking he's in Pondicherry and that he'll be back this weekend. I keep telling myself it wont happen anymore but its not sinking in at all.

Right now the house is full of relatives, so there are always people to talk to and things arent that bad. But what happens when everyone leaves? They all have their own busy lives to attend to. The house will fall silent soon and how will my mother and grandmother cope? I have my own work to attend to, my sister has her Phd to attend to. My mom will go back to school but how will she spend her weekends and vacations? I dont have any answers and its scary. How will my grandmother cope?She's a strong lady though and she lost her husband around the same time my mother lost my father. Maybe she can help my mom but what will she do alone all day?

I keep myself calm during the day knowing I cant afford to get upset in front of my mom, but my mind wont keep quiet at night. I dont really understand death.

I know that eventually my mother and my grandmother will learn to cope. Life will go back to normal....but its an uneasy few months ahead.

My cousin Prashant who works in the Taj is having a real tough time with his job.His working hours are crazy and he's afraid he's going to be fired. In fact his almost sure he's going to be asked to leave tommorow. I didnt know what to tell him. I just listened and tried to offer a few suggestions but it looks bleak. God its a bad time!

Just cant wait to go back to work and get away from it all.