The period post IMT has been one of extreme disorientation. Time exists once again in discrete units. There is a sense of order. Monday ends when I go to bed at 11 PM and Tuesday begins when I wake up at 7. It was rather different at IMT. Day melted into night and night melted into day. We were always awake when the transition happened. A week was one long continuous event; in fact we rarely knew which day of the week it was. We existed in a different time zone altogether.
In some sense now, I feel the loss of a former identity. I’m no longer DD, one of the numerous eccentric characters who prowled the corridors of IMT but my sister’s younger brother. As I sit in here in the comfort of my sister’s house, where the floors are clean, my clothes washed and pressed and the rooms don’t smell of old socks and dog like my former room, I can’t help but sigh. In my head, I’m still in college – playing with the dog, walking around the campus with a cup of tea and the company of Jo, discussing life, love, sex, God and the meaning of life with Ali, randomly downloading movies and music and staying up all night finishing a project which was pure fiction. IMT helped me define myself. For two years, I got used to playing a certain role-a role that offered me the freedom to script my lines as I pleased. There was a sort of swashbuckling bravado in my wild existence – I was being my own man. Now as my sisters younger brother, I feel a certain loss of confidence. I have this nagging suspicion that women will find me less of a man.
I must however concede that life isn’t so bad here. It’s good to be surrounded by the comfort and love of my family again. Hygiene levels are certainly much better than the ones I got used to at college. I have an entire three months before I join work and I have some plans to keep myself occupied. The plans include writing my book, traveling across the country and learning to play tennis-a sport that began to interest me in college.
Here’s hoping I stick to my plans :-)