Saturday, August 21, 2004

Starting monday, I'm going to be entering into a whole new world. I'm going to be able to use sentences like " I'm going to the OFFICE " :P. I feel a strange rush of pride when some of my relatives come over and ask " So when are you joining duty?". Its an amazing and rather unfamiliar feeling, when people who always didnt bother to look twice at you on account of your age come up and ask you how much your salary is or where your office is located :P. Suddenly, I feel very grown up.

The funny thing is, I've never really given any thought to actually WORKING. SO far my idea of work is that it is a system which pays you gobs of money to sit in an air conditioned room and wear a tie.

I get so caught up in the whole thing that at times I forget the difficulties my family is facing. I forget that my father is critically ill and that its been an entire month since we admitted him. For a few moments I become oblivious to the anguish my mother is going through...and then it hits me, I become sober again.

Fate is a funny thing. For the 3 months since I left college, I worried day and night that I'd never get a job and that I'd be a good for nothing who ate and slept at home all day. Now suddenly I have a job, but my father dosent even know about it.

I'm getting through the whole thing knowing that what ever should happen, will happen. I know that I should be prepared for the consequences, whatever they may be. However, I just cant bear to watch my mother cry. I know that I cannot even come close to experiencing what she's going through...I'm helpless.

Not knowing when he will become ok, whether he will become ok, when he will wake up, how long the whole thing will take, how much money it will cost us in the end...thats what we all despair about. The uncertainity is killing us.

Its tough when one day my dads health improves and we all cheer up and the next day, it slumps again. We feel cheated....and actually guilty that we afforded to let ourselves laugh.
Well, I spent 3 months worrying that I'd spend eternity without a job, but that didnt happen. So I guess its the same with my dad. Just have to be patient.

3 comments:

rdesai said...

Congratulations on your new job.

RamV said...

you're doin the rite thing D. Work it out of your system.... blog it out.
i dont think someone has to tell you about being the steadying anchor.

All the best.

Chakra Sampath said...

Even bad things have an end... your dad wd be alright very soon.

Now that you are joining your first job, keep the spirits high and heres wishing you a fantastic career ahead!

- Chakra.