Tuesday, June 08, 2004

Being a cynic, I always assume the worst is going to happen. A negative quality perhaps, but I'm a cynic because I know the higher my hopes rise, the harder I must fall when the truth revealts itself. Until yesterday my friend Poorni rendered glowing descriptions of how well I'd performed in the interview. She made me feel really good about myself. I was on a high all day...until I realised I still hadnt got an official phone call. So then I worried myself thin during the afternoon and evening. I called Poorni in the evening but she wasnt home yet. She finally called back and said " I'm sorry, you've been put on hold for the moment. Maybe you'll know in a week..." She then apologised for getting my hopes up and said I shouldnt worry. Sweet perhaps but my heart was already broken. The cynic in me taunts saying
" See, you were an ass to think you'd get through. You shouldnt have started dreaming about buying yourself a phone and a vehicle. You shouldnt have dreamed of a nice fat pay cheque! Look at whats happened now...".

I'm depressed because I've fallen once again to the mediocrity of unemployment. It felt good to think of myself as employed and earning a salary. Now that I've been rudely brought back to earth, I just want to cry.

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