All my relatives have finally left. Weekends are just so weird without my dad . I'm getting a little scared for my mother now. What will she do for the rest of he life? Will things ever come back to normal?

Blessed 3 day weekend, now I get to recover from all the hectic work which I'm not doing at the office. Much to the delight of all my readers, I have decided to update my blog.

Last week, my family was invited to dinner at my cousins place. My cousin is a model, and a fairly well known one. That makes her radically different from the engineers, managers and scientists who populate my family(God forbid, I'm an electrical engineer by qualification and a software engineer by profession...what went wrong?? I was supposed to become a truck driver and run over people with smaller vehicles...).

Thus while the rest of the young women in the family are either quietly studying or married, my cousin walks the ramp, her pictures are splashed across magazines and giant billboards across the city show her looking meditatively into the distance while wearing lots of jewellery.

Now comes the uncomfortable part.Magazines these days wont take your picture if you are swathed in cloth. Her profession requires her to show some skin in order to promote herself. Hence magazines often carry pictures of her in compromising attire. This tends to rub against the finer sensibilities of the senior members of the family.

Her pictures are decried by the senior citizens, her lifestyle criticized behind her back when they meet at family gatherings. "Cant believe she's doing this!" or " What is the youth coming to! " or " Kali Yuga started the moment women began revealing themselves in public! " are statements vehemently and often made.

My cousin however seems oblivious to the criticism generously heaped upon her choice of profession. She leads her life the way she wants to and makes a lot of money in the process. She makes no attempt to keep a low profile when aged relatives visit. She wears and does she wants. Not for her the salwar kameez and the docile manner, she is the master of her choices.

Thus Prashant and I found ourselves in a precarious position when we visited. She was wearing something which complimented her very fine figure and we found it rather difficult to take our eyes off her. With our mothers and grandmothers watching our every move, we had to tread a fine line. How to take in as much of her as we could while appearing entirely disinterested? It took a lot of effort on our parts to look at her and not let our eyes widen , jaws drop, drool onto the carpet and pretend this was just an ordinary family get together.

As time progressed I realised that the two of us were not behaving normally. Usually we would slouch, talk as loudly as we could, laugh noisily, mix hindi, english and tamil slang to suit our conversation and basically behave as boors. In front of my cousin, we sat with our backs straight, spoke the queens english and tried to appear as refined as possible. Nonchalant charm was frequently attempted. Each word was articulated and pronounced perfectly. What made us behave so peculiarly? Why couldnt we just be ourselves?

My cousin then casually dropped a magazine into my lap and said " Dinesh, here are the pics from my latest photo shoot. What do you think of them?". In front of me were pictures of cousin scantily clad in diaphanous material and on either side sat a mother and a grandmother. Difficult indeed. I smiled guiltily at my mother and tried to casually flip through the pages, repressing the urge to tear the pages and stuff them into my pocket for later perusal. My mother and grandmother stared stonily at the pictures and then glared at me. What could I do?

Inspite of the flak that she draws from the more conservative memebers of the family, there's no denying that everyone is fascinated by the life she leads. Her life has that glamour element which is missing from our own lives. Nobody wants to take a picture of me in my underwear, I'm only a software engineer. TV channels dont want to know what I think of the most happening places in the city. Magazines dont want me to give relationship advice and I am certainly not consulted on the latest fashion accessories.

Thus we pretend to dislike her lifestyle but secretly wish we could have a little bit of glamour in our own lives. When we are with her, we pretend to be fully acquainted with aspects out of our reach. Discos, pubs, movie stars..oh been there, done that..nothing special there.

Then we come back home and say " That girl is going the wrong way! " but I dont think we mean it. Perhaps we say it out of compulsion, fearing that the other person might think we actually approve of my cousin.

I wonder how things will be 10 years from now when perhaps my cousin would be a little too old to model. What then? Will the galmour and the attention go away? or will she continue to be the darling of the local press? How will our impression of her change then? Only time will tell.

I'm feeling slightly directionless at the moment. I dont know when C will give me the joining date and there's no real work for me as yet at P. I seem to have a lot of free time on my hands. I really dont know what to do with myself.

The bodybuilder said that he'd written a poem on me and how the 4 of us had bonded so well in the last 2 weeks. However he'd forgotten to bring it and he didnt remember the lines.Nevertheless, he assured me it was a fantastic poem. I believed him.

My project mates are pretty eccentric but they are really nice guys at heart. I'm going to miss them.

My apologies for this much delayed update. I have discovered working for a living is bloody tiring, even if it only means staring at a computer for 10 hours at a stretch. When I get back home,I only want to crash into bed.

I suppose I havent gotten used to the idea of working for long hours, I keep wanting to go home when I'm at work :P.

My project members are just as wierd as the ones I had when I was in college. One is a perennial optimist, its actually quite annoying . The whole positive outlook seems quite put on at times.

The other is a professional bodybuilder, he's bloody huge!At 104 kilos he's one massive hulk! He's pretty good natured though and we have plenty of fun pulling his leg.(perhaps I should say quadriceps)

The 3'rd is best described as a hysterical chicken when upset. I cant think of a more fitting term (term given by the bodybuilder).

Inspite of each ones eccentricities (God knows what they think of me), we have a LOT of fun.We do a teeny weeny bit of learning and a lot of squabbling :P.

Now comes the surprise, I got into C!!!!!! I attended the interview on the 5'th. I had to take leave from work. I said something about a function at home (paid leave, so technically P paid me to go to C).

The C building was well...perhaps the most modern and intimidating construction I have ever come across in my life. It was HUGE! I felt so insignificant there. Just the lobby was like a football field. This coupled with superb interior designing and fabulous lighting..well who
wouldnt want to show everyone where he worked?

My interview was good, I knew I'd get through. I suppose that extra bit of confidence I was able to project was because I already had a job in hand. I knew I'd made a good impression on the interviewer 5 minutes into the interview. It was a pretty long interview, slightly more than an hour. I came out quite pleased with myself. I got the confirmation email on friday.

I'm happy because everything went according to reason. I did the interview well and got the job. Not so for my previous interviews. For Barry, I did it pretty well but didnt get through. For P I thought I had done horribly but they gave me the job! I didnt even feel I deserved the job in P. If I was the interviewer, I wouldnt have hired myself.

So I'm pretty pleased with myself now, just wish my father was here. He would have been bloody happy.

Now comes the tricky part, leaving P. The damn bond is going to cause some problems! Have to tread carefully.

Here's a rather funny forward that's been going around for a while. Read it, it makes sense


US foreign policy for dummies . . .Q: Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq?A: Because they had weapons of mass destruction, honey.Q: But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of mass destruction. A:That's because the Iraqis were hiding them.Q: And that's why we invaded Iraq?A: Yep. Invasions always work better than inspections.Q: But after we invaded them, we STILL didn't find any weapons of massdestruction, did we?A: That's because the weapons are so well hidden. Don't worry, we'llfind something, probably right before the 2004 election.Q: Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass destruction?A: To use them in a war, silly.Q: I'm confused. If they had all those weapons that they planned to usein a war, then why didn't they use any of those weapons when we went towar with them?A: Well, obviously they didn't want anyone to know they had thoseweapons, so they chose to die by the thousands rather than defendthemselves and let others know.Q: That doesn't make sense Daddy. Why would they choose to die if theyhad all those big weapons to fight us back with?A: It's a different culture. It's not supposed to make sense.Q: I don't know about you, but I don't think they had any of thoseweapons our government said they did.A: Well, you know, it doesn't matter whether or not they had thoseweapons. We had another good reason to invade them anyway.Q: And what was that?A: Even if Iraq didn't have weapons of mass destruction, Saddam Husseinwas a cruel dictator, which is another good reason to invade anothercountry.Q: Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it OK to invade hiscountry?A: Well, for one thing, he tortured his own people.Q: Kind of like what they do in China?A: Don't go comparing China to Iraq. China is a good economiccompetitor, where millions of people work for slave wages in sweatshopsto make U.S. corporations richer.Q: So if a country lets its people be exploited for American corporategain, it's a good country, .even if that country tortures people?A: Right.Q: Why were people in Iraq being tortured?A: For political crimes, mostly, like criticizing the government. Peoplewho criticized the government in Iraq were sent to prison and tortured.Q: Isn't that exactly what happens in China?A: I told you, China is different.Q: What's the difference between China and Iraq?A: Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the Ba'ath party, while Chinais Communist.Q: Didn't you once tell me Communists were bad?A: No, just Cuban Communists are bad.Q: How are the Cuban Communists bad?A: Well, for one thing, people who criticize the government in Cuba aresent to prison and tortured.Q: Like in Iraq?A: Exactly.Q: And like in China, too?A: I told you, China's a good economic competitor. Cuba, on the otherhand, is not.Q: How come Cuba isn't a good economic competitor?A: Well, you see, back in the early 1960s, our government passed somelaws that made it illegal for Americans to trade or do any business withCuba until they stopped being Communists and started being capitalistslike us.Q: But if we got rid of those laws, opened up trade with Cuba, andstarted doing business with them, wouldn't that help the Cubans becomecapitalists?A: Don't be a smart-ass.Q: I didn't think I was being one.A: Well, anyway, they also don't have freedom of religion in Cuba. Q:Kind of like China and the @!#$ movement?A: I told you, stop saying bad things about China. Anyway, SaddamHussein came to power through a military coup, so he's not really alegitimate leader anyway.Q: What's a military coup?A: That's when a military general takes over the government of a countryby force, instead of holding free elections like we do in the UnitedStates.Q: Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a military coup?A: You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he did, but Pakistan isour friend.Q: Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is illegitimate?A: I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate.Q: Didn't you just say a military general who comes to power by forciblyoverthrowing the legitimate government of a nation is an illegitimateleader?A: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our friend, because hehelped us invade Afghanistan.Q: Why did we invade Afghanistan?A: Because of what they did to us on September 11th.Q: What did Afghanistan do to us on September 11th?A: Well, on September 11th, nineteen men, fifteen of them SaudiArabians, hijacked four airplanes and flew three of them into buildings,killing over 3,000 Americans.Q: So how did Afghanistan figure into all that?A: Afghanistan was where those bad men trained, under the oppressiverule of the Taliban.Q: Aren't the Taliban those bad radical Islamics who chopped offpeople's heads and hands?A: Yes, that's exactly who they were. Not only did they chop offpeople's heads and hands, but they oppressed women, too.Q: Didn't the Bush administration give the Taliban 43 million dollarsback in May of 2001?A: Yes, but that money was a reward because they did such a good jobfighting drugs.Q: Fighting drugs?A: Yes, the Taliban were very helpful in stopping people from growingopium poppies.Q: How did they do such a good job?A: Simple. If people were caught growing opium poppies, the Talibanwould have their hands and heads cut off.Q: So, when the Taliban cut off people's heads and hands for growingflowers, that was OK, but not if they cut people's heads and hands offfor other reasons?A: Yes. It's OK with us if radical Islamic fundamentalists cut offpeople's hands for growing flowers, but it's cruel if they cut offpeople's hands for stealing bread.Q: Don't they also cut off people's hands and heads in Saudi Arabia? A:That's different. Afghanistan was ruled by a tyrannical patriarchy thatoppressed women and forced them to wear burqas whenever they were inpublic, with death by stoning as the penalty for women who did not,comply.Q: Don't Saudi women have to wear burqas in public, too?A: No, Saudi women merely wear a traditional Islamic body covering. Q:What's the difference?A: The traditional Islamic covering worn by Saudi women is a modest yetfashionable garment that covers all of a woman's body except for hereyes and fingers. The burqa, on the other hand, is an evil tool ofpatriarchal oppression that covers all of a woman's body except for hereyes and fingers.Q: It sounds like the same thing with a different name.A: Now, don't go comparing Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia. The Saudis areour friends.Q: But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers on September 11th werefrom Saudi Arabia.A: Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan.Q: Who trained them?A: A very bad man named Osama bin Laden.Q: Was he from Afghanistan?A: Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia too. But he was a bad man, a verybad man.Q: I seem to recall he was our friend once.A: Only when we helped him and the mujahadeen repel the Soviet invasionof Afghanistan back in the 1980s.Q: Who are the Soviets? Was that the Evil Communist Empire Ronald Reagantalked about?A: There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union broke up in 1990 orthereabouts, and now they have elections and capitalism like us. We callthem Russians now.Q: So the Soviets, I mean, the Russians, are now our friends?A: Well, not really. You see, they were our friends for many years afterthey stopped being Soviets, but then they decided not to support ourinvasion of Iraq, so we're mad at them now.We're also mad at the French and the Germans because they didn't help usinvade Iraq either.Q: So the French and Germans are evil, too?A: Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we had to rename Frenchfries and French toast to Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast.Q: Do we always rename foods whenever another country doesn't do what wewant them to do?A: No, we just do that to our friends. Our enemies, we invade.Q: But wasn't Iraq one of our friends back in the 1980s?A: Well, yeah. For a while.Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then?A: Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran, which made him ourfriend, temporarily.Q: Why did that make him our friend?A: Because at that time, Iran was our enemy.Q: Isn't that when he gassed the Kurds?A: Yeah, but since he was fighting against Iran at the time, we lookedthe other way, to show him we were his friend.Q: So anyone who fights against one of our enemies automatically becomesour friend?A: Most of the time, yes.Q: And anyone who fights against one of our friends is automatically anenemy?A: Sometimes that's true, too. However, if American corporations canprofit by selling weapons to both sides at the same time, all thebetter.Q: Why?A: Because war is good for the economy, which means war is good forAmerica. Also, since God is on America's side, anyone who opposes war isa godless run-American Communist. Do you understand now why we attackedIraq?Q: I think so. We attacked them because God wanted us to, right?A: Yes.Q: But how did we know God wanted us to attack Iraq?A: Well, you see, God personally speaks to George W.Bush and tells himwhat to do.Q: So basically, what you're saying is that we attacked Iraq becauseGeorge W. Bush hears voices in his head?A. Yes! You finally understand how the world works. Now close your eyes,make yourself comfortable, and go to sleep. Good night.Good night, Daddy.

I no longer have a graceful figure :-( . Heads shall not turn, oomphs and aaahs have died away, I'm longer a babe magnet :P......so basically I have a tummy.

I havent been to the gym in 2 months for reasons known to all.

I tried some cardio yesterday morning. Lots of cycling, lots of running. All gone to pot because I stuffed myself at dinner when a friend leaving for the UK decided to treat us.

Well, back to the gym tommorow. Have to go from 1 sack to 6 pack :P

Hey guys, when you leave comments, please leave a name, an email id or a link to your site/blog. It would help me get back to you. If it stays as Anonymous, I have no idea who you are.

Went back to work after 2 weeks leave, such a huge relief. I havent missed much in these two weeks, the real work starts on the 20th I guess, when I'm put into my
project.

I'm going to be working on Siebel which I'm told has an excellent market. So basically having worked with Siebel will really help my career as Siebel professionals
will be in great demand.( C or P? I'm stuck again)

Not done anything productive at work as yet. In fact all we've done till now is celebrate birthdays with great pomp and style :P. The HR people take pains to assure
us that all fun ceases the moment you are put into the project, so have fun when you can :-D.

My mother, sis and a large number of my relatives visited Pondicherry University yesterday to institute an award for physics students in my fathers name. They also
went around the campus and spent some time in my dad's office.

I feel really really bad that I never got to know that side of my father's life. I never really knew what his working life was like. Who his colleagues were, what kind of a
teacher he was, the life he lead there.....I dont have a clue. 17 years he stayed in Pondicherry coming home only on weekends. I just got so used to it. I never really
got to know my father. I was really looking forward to the time when I would start working, become independent and self reliant. Thats the time when I thought that
he and I would get along a lot better. My dad and I would keep arguing over career decisions. He believed strongly in Physics and Engineering, no other career
option met his approval. I never really thought I was good at both so there were a lot of disagreements. I seriously thought me getting a job would end all those mini
fights. Now look at whats happened. I have a job but my father never got to know.

My father taught quantum mechanics in Pondicherry, a subject no one else could. He would sometimes try to explain it to me but I never really got the hang of it. He
would sit in his room and if I happened to be passing by, he'd call me, ask me to sit down and start talking about physics. Most of the time I would never be able to
follow what he was saying and I'd get bored quickly. Pretty soon, I began avoiding going into the room because I was afraid he would lecture me ( On physics or
education. We never really talked about anything else ). Actually I developed a mild fear when I was a kid :P. When I was about 4 or 5 years old, my father and I
were alone at home one afternoon. In an attempt to build me intellect, my father tried to teach me 2 digit multiplication. No matter how hard I tried, I never did get the
idea behind that zero we put while multiplying by the ten's digit. My father made me work out problem after problem but I never got it. Ever since then I began to fear
being left alone with him :P. I spent my entire life avoiding him whenever possible because he would ask me uncomfortable questions about what I wished to do with
my life. I really thought that stupid behaviour of mine would cease once I got a job :-(
I suppose I should start looking forward now. I'm glad that I'm going to be able to support myself but I really miss the security of having my father around.

Life changes far too suddenly for comfort.

For the past 16 years, certain aspects of my life had remained constant. My mother worked as a teacher in my school and my dad was a physics professor in Pondicherry University. He'd come home on friday nights between 8:30 and 9:00 PM , spend the weekend with us and then leave on monday morning. So for all these years, I've been used to seeing my dad only on the weekends. In fact, when he did spend his vacations at home, it felt wierd to me because I was so used to seeing him only for short periods of time.

Its hard to believe my father wont be ringing the doorbell on friday nights with his traditional "Ta da tut tut, tut tut!" knock. Its not sunk into any of us yet. We keep thinking he's in Pondicherry and that he'll be back this weekend. I keep telling myself it wont happen anymore but its not sinking in at all.

Right now the house is full of relatives, so there are always people to talk to and things arent that bad. But what happens when everyone leaves? They all have their own busy lives to attend to. The house will fall silent soon and how will my mother and grandmother cope? I have my own work to attend to, my sister has her Phd to attend to. My mom will go back to school but how will she spend her weekends and vacations? I dont have any answers and its scary. How will my grandmother cope?She's a strong lady though and she lost her husband around the same time my mother lost my father. Maybe she can help my mom but what will she do alone all day?

I keep myself calm during the day knowing I cant afford to get upset in front of my mom, but my mind wont keep quiet at night. I dont really understand death.

I know that eventually my mother and my grandmother will learn to cope. Life will go back to normal....but its an uneasy few months ahead.

My cousin Prashant who works in the Taj is having a real tough time with his job.His working hours are crazy and he's afraid he's going to be fired. In fact his almost sure he's going to be asked to leave tommorow. I didnt know what to tell him. I just listened and tried to offer a few suggestions but it looks bleak. God its a bad time!

Just cant wait to go back to work and get away from it all.

My father passed away on the 2'nd at 9:30 PM. We were all with him when it happened. I hope he is at peace.

Its the end of a very brutal 42 days. Atleast its over now.

Life is going to change dramatically after this. Suddenly I have a lot of responsibility. Its the start of a very new, very different life. I suppose this is the time I become an adult.

I would like to thank all my readers for their support. Thank you guys for all the support rendered.

I dont know what else to say.

Things are looking very bleak. Even the neuros who were so positive till now have said there's no hope. My father has suffered enough. Let him go in peace.

Well, I ended up not writing the T test. Today was Avanni Avattam and I had to go to the temple to change my poonal. It was 8:15 by the time I got back home. My friends went to Anna University at 6 in the morning and even then managed to get a slot only at 1 PM. I mulled over it and decided not to go in the end. Just didnt feel like standing in the queue for 2 hours in the hot sun. I heard the queue extended for over a kilometer from Anna University.

Still getting conflicting thoughts regarding C and P. It would only worsen if I got through T too. Things wouldnt be complicated but for the bond that P has.

Before I got a job, I thought it would be heavenly to have a dozen job offers to pick and choose from. Its not that easy once you sign the damn bond. Until you sign the bond, the company seems perfect.Once you do sign the bond, you feel trapped and every other company seems more promising :P.

So here are my 2 most conflicting thoughts:

Thought 1 : " C pays more! Everyone knows C! Everyone says great things about the company! Damn that I have a bond with P!"

Thought 2 : " Your original plan was to work for 2 years, get the experience and go for an MBA. So why bother which company? Everyone knows P too..."

I keep oscillating between these thoughts. Everyday I'm convinced 1 thought is better than the other...and then I change my mind again.

K, right now Thought 2 seems more convincing....esp because I dont want to study for the interview again....

Well, my first week at work is over. I havent actually been WORKING as such, we just have classroom training. I'm learning, or rather trying to figure out what Pro*C is :P.
To tell you the truth, I'm glad the weekend is here. For the last 5 days, I've been sitting in the same air conditioned hall for about 8 hours a day...and the monotony is setting in.(Well atleast I'm being paid for it).

My brother in law said that if I got into C, I ought to take it. I guess C is doing really well now, also they pay quite a bit more. I've been told the work atmosphere is pretty good.

T is having its walk in tommorow, guess I'll go for it. They dont pay that much initially but hey, its India's number 1 software company(I think P comes 8). I think their test is kinda tough, guess I'll simply go give it a shot. Its a walk in at Anna University, I think the place will be jam packed tommorow.

My main concern is that P has a 2 year bond...which I have to sign by monday. So what happens if I get into C or T? Do I just stop going to work?

I'm a little reluctant to report on my dad's health because it keeps fluctuating. For the moment though, the news is good. He's breathing on his own without the ventilator (We were scared he would become ventilator dependant). He also opened his eyes just a little and closed them again.

So life goes on. I think the hospital is going to occupy a large part of our time for the next few months to come. Just have to be patient.

Day 1 of work. Didnt do much really. We filled out form after form after form. I think we filled forms for 3 hours straight. There are about 25 of us and I got to know most of them.
I kinda liked my first day in P, the HR people made us feel very comfortable. The food in the canteen was pretty good too. Actually I didnt know if it was good or not, I was starving by the time we broke for lunch so I piled everything that was available on my plate and bulldozed my way through it , not caring for the taste. You could have put a live chicken on plate and I would have eaten it without batting an eyelid.

The offices are pretty good. On the downside, once you get inside you lose track of time. Rain or shine, hot or cold, you have absolutely no idea whats going on outside.

We asked the HR people what we were going to do over the next few weeks. The lady smiled and said " Relax, we arent going to ask you write code from today. Just use the time now to settle down, know the company and bond with your team mates."

So all I did today was bond with my team mates. There are about 5 of us who have got calls from C, so we were wondering what to do. I felt so bad when I was filling out all those forms, especially the one for my HDFC bank account. Was I going to leave the company after I got an id card, an access card, a bank account, my own PC, an email address with the company, my own coffee mug......?

The thing is, I have to sign a service agreement with P by the 30'th and C isint going to tell me when my interview is until the 30'th......it kinda looks like I might stay with P.

K, now excuse me, I have to go to my OFFICE.

Starting monday, I'm going to be entering into a whole new world. I'm going to be able to use sentences like " I'm going to the OFFICE " :P. I feel a strange rush of pride when some of my relatives come over and ask " So when are you joining duty?". Its an amazing and rather unfamiliar feeling, when people who always didnt bother to look twice at you on account of your age come up and ask you how much your salary is or where your office is located :P. Suddenly, I feel very grown up.

The funny thing is, I've never really given any thought to actually WORKING. SO far my idea of work is that it is a system which pays you gobs of money to sit in an air conditioned room and wear a tie.

I get so caught up in the whole thing that at times I forget the difficulties my family is facing. I forget that my father is critically ill and that its been an entire month since we admitted him. For a few moments I become oblivious to the anguish my mother is going through...and then it hits me, I become sober again.

Fate is a funny thing. For the 3 months since I left college, I worried day and night that I'd never get a job and that I'd be a good for nothing who ate and slept at home all day. Now suddenly I have a job, but my father dosent even know about it.

I'm getting through the whole thing knowing that what ever should happen, will happen. I know that I should be prepared for the consequences, whatever they may be. However, I just cant bear to watch my mother cry. I know that I cannot even come close to experiencing what she's going through...I'm helpless.

Not knowing when he will become ok, whether he will become ok, when he will wake up, how long the whole thing will take, how much money it will cost us in the end...thats what we all despair about. The uncertainity is killing us.

Its tough when one day my dads health improves and we all cheer up and the next day, it slumps again. We feel cheated....and actually guilty that we afforded to let ourselves laugh.
Well, I spent 3 months worrying that I'd spend eternity without a job, but that didnt happen. So I guess its the same with my dad. Just have to be patient.

There was the problem of too little and now there's the problem of too much! I have a job in P and I've been called for interviews at C and I-I!

I'm in a dilema, C is putting up the interview schedule on the day I join P.C pays more and is probably has a more casual atmosphere than P...but I cant bunk work to attend the interview....I'm confused :-(

Fairly busy day. Had to go to college to pick up a couple of reference letters are required by P. I tried to get my no due and transfer certificates but it became too late. Took an auto and went to P. One very grim security guard told me I was late, which struck me as odd because I distinctly remember the lady saying " Come by sometime on Monday and pick up your call letter. " He then grumpily directed me to the 2'nd floor. I came upon a door and no matter how determinedly I pushed or pulled, the door stubbornly refused to budge. One sympathetic chap there asked me to flash the visitors card before the detector. The door smoothly opened.

The office was pretty impressive, all high tech...I dont think I'm supposed to work here though. This was the one in Sp Plaza. Mine is in S towers, a rather drab old building right next to it.

Then I met Miss Mohanapriya who gave me my call letter and gave some details regarding my job, most of which I didnt understand. She kept using short forms like
ERP and I kept going blank until she noticed my rather vacant expression. She said everything would be explained during the induction program. I join 1 week from
now, on the 23'rd of this month. I thanked her, pulled the door again a few more times, remembered the visitors card and exited sheepishly. Came down and met the
grumpy security guard again. It looks like he's already decided I'm one of those late comer types. I tried chatting with him, signed in the wrong register and meekly
watched him glare at me. I dont think he rates my intelligence highly.

Then had to go to IMS to get my money back. You see, on friday I went to IMS and paid up Rs.10,000 to join their CAT cruncher course. I'd done that as a back up option, in case I didnt get a job. As luck would have it, I got my job 1 day after I joined the course.
So I went up to the lady there and quietly told her I needed my money back. She refused saying that it was against the rules. So I told her about my dad's condition
and how expensive it was to keep him in hospital. She mechanically replied " I understand your position but IMS cannot refund your money". I hate it when people say things like that without for a moment considering the difficulty the other person is facing. I didnt want her saying she understood my position. If she did, I would have got my money back that minute. So I just quietly said I wasnt leaving until I got my money back. She grumbled for a while and then took me to the manager. I sat down and told him the whole story. Chap listened to it grimly and asked me to write a letter and also attach proof of my fathers condition. Then I would have to
wait 45 days for the money to return. I agreed and left. I dont think I will join IMS ever again. I found them too cold and impersonal.

So its 1 week to employment....cant wait.

For several nights now, I have been going to bed in the lobby of Malar hospital. This is because the nurses in the IMCU will decide at 2 in the morning that my dad needs some esoteric medicine which must be administered immediately. The ICU is on the 5'th floor and the pharmacy is in the lobby. Thus someone always has to be there to run up 5 floors (the lift takes ages..not worth waiting for), collect the prescription, run down to the pharmacy (the medicines are always hideously expensive) and then run up again and deliver them.

Whats really annoying is that there are no employees to attend to the phone at night. Thus when it rings, it rings and rings and rings until someone wakes up and answers it (ie, me). Initially I thought I was being responsible. I'd always lift the phone, listen to the nurse and then yell out " Mr. So and so's attender, please go the IMCU". Big mistake. Now whenever the phone rings, all the other patients relatives just sit around casually and wait for me to pick up the phone. Some of them will come up to be and say gruffly " I'm going to sleep now,wake me if a call comes". So much for shared responsibility.

There is no actual place to sleep. You have to push aside the chairs and reserve a spot on the floor before someone else latches on to it. The spot under the fan is a prime location and the competition for it is intense (On the downside, everone has to step over you if they want to leave the lobby).

Then there are the cockroaches. Yesterday someone complained so they sprayed pesticide all over the place. Thus I spent the night in the lobby which

1) Smelt terrible

2) Had a larger number of cockroaches than usual.

All of us in the family now have that famous Malar hospital smell which clings on to us all the time. Our clothes reek of it. People wrinkle their noses the moment we
come near them.....I think we smell antiseptic.

I have to go collect my call letter from P on Monday...once I start working I dont think I can spend anytime at the hospital...in a way I'm actually glad, I just want to get away from it all...but then I feel bad that I'm not going to be around all the time to help out.

P has some pretty formal dress codes I think. Only formal wear...worst of all, you gotta wear a tie. I dont like ties. I think they make you look quite silly. When I
went for my interview I noticed that most of the employees had some pretty rotten ties on. I think the average indian male thinks that no matter how bad you look or
no matter how unsuitable the colour combination of your clothes are, you will still be able to seduce Carmen Electra if you wear a tie. ( even if your shirt is blue and the tie has pink flowers on it)

I might go out today to update my collection of formal wear. I have one decent tie..I might have to look at my dads collection too.

I got my call from P..... I've got a job in a good company.....but its not sunk in yet....for some reason I'm still nervous about my C test.....

My dads condition remains the same, stable but unconcious. I've got my first bit of good news from Polaris and now I'm waiting for the second bit from the doctors.

I've already become sick of telling people how my dad is. Sick because I'm
forced to mechanically repeat the same answer over and over again day in and
day out without a single change. People keep dropping in to ask. I am repeatedly
waylaid on the road and the phone just hasnt stopped ringing.

There's this new watchman we have, a tall thin old man who wants 2 hour
updates on my fathers health status. Initially I was touched by his concern but
now I find it plain irritating. Irritating because each time I give the answer he
smacks himself on the forehead, looks at me sorrowfully and moans out loud in
tamizh " Only God can save him, only God can save him! ". So much for sunny
optimism, I felt like kicking the old bugger today.

Dont get me wrong, I fully appreciate the concern everyone has, its the emotional
support that we get that keeps us going without losing our hopes BUT its just so
damn annoying when people react like all hope is lost. Then there are some
people who ask such stupendously stupid questions, I almost lose my temper.

Neighbour : " So hows your father now? "

Myself : " He still hasnt become concious aunty..."

Neighbour : " Oh ok. So is he eating by himself now? "

Myself: " Umm....no he still isint concious...."

Neighbour (casually): " So he's in a coma huh? "

Myself : " NO! Not a coma! He's just not awake yet."

Neighbour: " So how does he eat then? "

Honestly, why are they so worried about how my dad eats? Arent we facing
bigger problems?

In other news, I finally got my hall ticket for the CTS exam. Its on the 14th. Wish
me luck. The way my dads health keeps swinging from stable to hopeless and
back to stable again, I dont know if I'll have the mental peace to study.